OMG! OMG! MARLEAU IS COMING! MARLEAAAAUUU IS COOOOMING!!!

OH MY EKLUND!

TSN REPORTS THAT PATRICK MARLEAU HAS BEEN STRIPPED OF HIS CAPTAINCY!

THIS MEANS HES GOING TO BE TRADED!

AND THE ONLY TEAM THAT IS WORTH GETTING TRADED TO IS OUR OWN MONTREAL CANADIENS!

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! THE NEW CAPTAIN OF THE MONTREAL CANADIENS

PATRICK MARLEAU!!!

Okay he's not french...but his name sounds french...

Please people. Don't contract stupidfuckinghabsfanitis

It's more rampant than H1N1 in this town.

Peace,

E

NOTHING IS GOING ON - BAWSS LIST

Well it's another beautiful but hockey news impaired day in Montreal. NOTHING has hapened in the last few days, save for Vaclav Prospal signing with the Rangers and the Canucks inking russian prospect Sergei Shirokov to an NHL contract.

Sergei Shirokov.... the second coming of Pavel Bure.....

Anyway I have decided to put up a list of people that I feel exemplify all that is boss in the world of Hockey. It is an exclusive list of only 10 people, and each month I will re-evaluate it, tweaking it here and there. So here it is. The inaugural version of E's BAWSS list.

1. Sidney Crosby - Youngest Stanley Cup winning captain ever. All the honeys back in Cole Harbor must be ordering alot of "Sid the Kid blowup love dolls".

2. Evgeni Malkin - Player with the most points ever in one playoff who wasn't named Gretzky or Lemieux. Looking good Gino.

3. Max Talbot - Max Poooowwwwwweeeerrrr......

4. Darren Helm - St. Andrews Mantioba's favorite son is speedster with heart who became a fan favorite in Detroit this year in the Playoffs.

5. Dan Cleary - The first Newfie to win a Stanley Cup put up big numbers this year and made a name for himself.

6. Travis Moen - One of the newest Habs is one of the best shut down players in the league and will give the Canadiens some much needed grit.

7. Scott Gomez - Anyone from Anchorage Alaska is cool...no pun intended, and he is taking french lessons so he doesnt put himself in a position to be attacked by the blood thirsty jackals.

Otherwise known as the French Media.

8. Alex Ovechkin - Everyone will be watching to see if Alex the Gr8 can be the first player since Wayne Gretzky to score 55 or more in three straight seasons.

9. Glen Metropolit - The only player I know from the ghetto.

10. Steve Mason - Youngest age I've ever seen a goalie truly kick ass and take names in the NHL.

What happened while you were gone...

In the course of six months, your Montreal Canadiens have undergone a makeover that would make the stars of Nip/Tuck blush. Gone are:

Saku Koivu: Our courageous and diminutive leader since 1999.

Alex Kovalev: Our enigmatic and athletically bi-polar superstar.

Mike Komisarek: Our bruising all star blue liner who was publicly emasculated by Milan Lucic.

Gone as well are Alex Tanguay, Mathieu Schneider, Robert Lang, Steve Begin, Francis Bouillion, Mathieu Dandenault and Head Coach Guy Carbonneau.

In their place are:

Brian Gionta: Diminutive former 48 goal scorer.

Scott Gomez: Two time Stanley Cup champion and Calder Cup Winner.

Mike Cammalleri: Explosive 40 goal scorer and former line mate of Jarome Iginla.

Other additions include top notch grinder Travis Moen, PP specalist Jaroslav Spacek, hulking Defenseman Hal Gill, Puck Mover Paul Mara and Head Coach Jacques Martin.

Many people are torn whether there has been any improvement in this team. The Hockey News recently said that the Canadiens will yet again finish 8th in the Eastern Conference this year. Personally, I personally do see an improvement. As much as I will always admire Koivu and Kovalev, I am pleased that we were able to replace one inconsistent player and another injury prone one with younger guys who have world class talent and have been proven as durable and able to play an entire 82 game schedule. I also see an improvement at Defense, as we only lost one big Defenseman in Mike Komisarek (6'4) and gained two in Hal Gill (6'7) and Paul Mara (6'4). The Canadiens also acquired Jaroslav Spacek, who picked up and impressive 45 points as a blue line last year. Add Travis Moen, whose shutdown line with Rob Niedermayer and Samy Pahlsson in the 2007 Playoff was a major factor in the Anaheim Ducks cup win, and you have a faster, more improved team with a different attitude, without any club house cancers.

It will be a very good year, IF Tomas Plekanec and Andrei Kostitsyn can stop playing like little girls and return to their productive ways. And if Carey Price can raise his Save Percentage and lower his Smirnoff intake.

Preseason is only a month away.

I'm ready. Are you?

Peace,

E

One post saying thank you.

I'm in the city for one night. I am not going to rave about Gainey's acquisition of the smurf line (Gomez-Gionta-Cammalleri) even though I am ecstatic. I am not going to comment on Mike Komisarek's utter douchebaggery, because it has been commented on by every Canadiens fan in the world.

I am going to say thank you to Saku Koivu.

I started watching hockey when I was 8 years old and it was in that first year that Saku Koivu had his brave battle with Stomach Cancer.

I remeber the victory against Ottawa where he returned and we clinched a playoff spot.

I remember the ovation.

I remember the pride knowing this brave little man was a Montreal Canadien.

I want to say thank you Saku.

Thanks for the yeoman effort you have put in, thanks for all you have done for this community with your selfless charity work, thanks for putting up with all the jackals garbage. (If you do not know what jackal I am referring to, simply read some of my older posts.)

Saku you were my first hero.

No other player will replace you. No other player did what you did and fought the battles you fought.

Wherever you go, I hope you find succes.

And if you do end up hoisting the Cup in Minnesota or Anaheim, please bring it to Montreal, bring it to a child's hospital bed, do not forget about us.

We will never forget about you.

Coaching Staff Gets Merked PLUS Draft Preview

Well boys, it was nice knowing you.

In the course of two days, Don Lever, Ron Wilson and Iron Man Doug Jarvis have been shown the door.

This is my last day in the city. Here is my wishlist of who the Canadiens should pick in the first round.

1 - Scott Glennie C 6'1 175 Lbs. Brandon Wheatkings (WHL)

PLUS: Brayden Schenn's partner in crime had 42 assists in only 55 games this season in the Western Hockey League. Is an explosive skater and proven finisher who is able to score the tough goal. He is versatile and has been known to even drop the gloves.

MINUS: His speed might throw off his control and may overskate precise passes. Many scouts are worried that his high speed style of play will cause more injuries.

2 - Chris Kreider. C 6'2 200 Lbs. Andover High School.

PLUS: The one thing this team needs. A BIG FUCKING CENTER.

Scouted as having great hands very good skater.

MINUS: Is a High Schooler, and our other High School First Round Pick two way Defenseman David Fischer has not been heard of since his draft day. (13 points in 31 games with the University of Minnesota) Might not put up as impressive numbers when he makes the transition to Univeristy or the Pros.

3 - Carter Ashton LW 6'2 190 Lbs. Lethbridge Hurricanes (WHL)

PLUS: The son of NHL journeyman Brent Ashton, Carter is a versatile Goal Scorer that many believe will make the jump to the Pros very early in his career.

MINUS: Must still work on his skating but has improved immensely and should be highly sought after at the Draft,

For all of you that think Bob will pull the trigger on a Vinny Lecavalier deal that will see us part ways with our all-world D-Man Andrei Markov, sorry. It ain't gunna happen, but I am very excited to see what does unfold on Friday.

Have a great summer guys.

I will be back on the computer in Mid-August with a review of all the shenanigins that went down this summer.

PEACE

E

WHY IS THIS MAN SMILING?

He doesn't have to deal with us.....EVER AGAIN

The Three Mols-Keteers (Eric, Justin & Geoff) have purchased the Canadiens for over $500 Million.

Uncle Georgie, thanks for the memories.

Thank god you didn't sell the team to Celine Dion.

Peace,

E

Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, Get me The Brandy.

Well, it's not the Habs.

But it's nice to see Sidney Crosby, good ol' Cole Harbor Nova Scotia boy, the face of the NHL, to hoist Lord Stanley's Mug.

To all of you blatant Crosby haters out there....

He's better at life than you.

And he just became the youngest Captain in NHL history to win the Cup.

And he had the most points by a Canadian in one Playoffs since Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux's time.

If you still think he's shit, you can go give Marian Hossa a pity BJ for all I care.

Detroit is a very good team.

I was incredibly impressed by their ability once again to win in the playoffs, Dan Cleary and Darren Helm are going to be inaugural additions to my "BAWSS" list that will be put up before the start of the 2009-2010 season. Stay tuned for that.

So there we have it. An entire season. In the books.

One more video. Found it on a Pens blog.

I might be putting in maybe a post or two before I'm gone on Summer Break.

Hope you enjoyed the ride guys,

Peace.

E