Concerning the events of March 9th 2011.

I know what you are thinking.
Hey here's another close minded homer who wants to take big Z's massive head and stick it up on a pike.
Gee that's visceral.
I want to move away from the blood wrath and more to an open letter to the NHL.

Dear NHL,
So... You guys must think you are pretty funny.
I know it's only early March but this a pretty outrageous April fools joke.
Pissing off a bunch of bitter vengeful and pretty riot prone fans is a lot funnier than it sounds on paper.
I always knew you had that impish side Gary, and Colin whoah-oh! Way to get an alibi by having this stuff happen to your son's team. You really thought of everything! What's next? You guys going to release the hit out on DVD with comic book "Ka-pow!" captions right when Pacioretty's head makes contact with the stanchion? Boy you guys just kill me. At first I didn't think you had it in you, I mean when James Wisniewski got two games for pretending to give oral pleasure I really thought you were a bunch of stiffs. Since when is dick sucking not funny? Dick sucking is hilarious! I mean I laugh every time you guys get on your knees and satisfy the the four fans in Phoenix. It's a knee slapper! Which brings me to my next point, I am so glad you guys have finally sorted out your priorities. I'm sure somewhere in Pennsylvania Sidney Crosby is sitting down (because that nasty concussion sure makes it hard to stand up for long) and he is thinking "I am so happy Mr. Bettman is fighting hard to keep the health of sun belt hockey on dialysis, I'll just puke into this bucket for a little bit longer". I know a lot of people are not supporting your decision to not penalize Chara at all right now, but in time I think they will see it your way. The longterm health of a 23 year old should be compromised, I mean how else are we going to sell hockey to hotbeds like Oklahoma City and Las Vegas without our big lovable oaf Zdeno missing for 3 or 4 games. That would be the real tragedy here boys and girls! Well NHL I must be going, there seem to be some rowdy Canadiens supporters burning an effigy of a certain Slovkian defender and my dog has asthma so I will have to ask them stop. I just want you fine men to know that this is a step in the right direction to join that elite echelon of Sports Leagues like the National Lacrosse League, NFL Europe and of course, Slam Ball.
Sincerely yours,
E

Where's the WHA when you need it?