Saturday, August 29, 2009

Big 5 officially gone.

After two months of an incredible overhaul in Montreal, the big 5 players that Bob Gainey wished to resign before the Free Agency Period began have offically all signed with different teams.

1. Mike Komisarek - TOR - July 1st
2. Alex Kovalev - OTT - July 6th
3. Saku Koivu - ANA - July 8th
4. Mathieu Schneider - VAN - August 28th
5. Alex Tanguay - TB - August 29th

Well boys, it was nice knowing you.
See you on the ice.

Other news. AK-27 stated that he would hypotheticallly like to play for the Canadiens to finish his career. Of course the dweebs in the nations capital are making such a big deal of this that Dany Heatley and his spoiled little trade demands have become a secondary issue.

In other other news, Team Canada had their scrimmage, with the Calgary crowd booing home town boy Heatley all the way. Maybe Hockey Karma does exist.

All for now,
PEACE
E

Friday, August 21, 2009

QUICK DAIRY HITS

I am in Vermont, land of Ben and Jerry's and the UVM Catamounts, whose alumnus include John Leclair, Martin St. Louis and Vezina winner Timmy Thomas. Shoutout to MC O-Mayzing for his humble hospitality. Here are some bullet points.
  • Dany Heatley had a press conference to discuss the reasons for demanding his trade from the Senators. My "IDONTGIVEAFLYINGFUCKOMETER" has been raised to 11.
  • Pat Kane has apologized for effing up some poor cab driver. If only he had done the same to the Red Wings this year in the playoffs...
  • Speaking of the Wings, Detroit has signed Todd Bertuzzi to a one year deal. The Pistons couldve used him five years ago for the brawl at the Palace...
On a serious note my condolences go out to Jose Theodore and his family who lost their two month old son yesterday. My prayers are with you Jose.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

OMG! OMG! MARLEAU IS COMING! MARLEAAAAUUU IS COOOOMING!!!

OH MY EKLUND!
TSN REPORTS THAT PATRICK MARLEAU HAS BEEN STRIPPED OF HIS CAPTAINCY!
THIS MEANS HES GOING TO BE TRADED!
AND THE ONLY TEAM THAT IS WORTH GETTING TRADED TO IS OUR OWN MONTREAL CANADIENS!
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! THE NEW CAPTAIN OF THE MONTREAL CANADIENS
PATRICK MARLEAU!!!
Okay he's not french...but his name sounds french...


Please people. Don't contract stupidfuckinghabsfanitis
It's more rampant than H1N1 in this town.

Peace,
E

Monday, August 17, 2009

NOTHING IS GOING ON - BAWSS LIST


Well it's another beautiful but hockey news impaired day in Montreal. NOTHING has hapened in the last few days, save for Vaclav Prospal signing with the Rangers and the Canucks inking russian prospect Sergei Shirokov to an NHL contract.
Sergei Shirokov.... the second coming of Pavel Bure.....
Anyway I have decided to put up a list of people that I feel exemplify all that is boss in the world of Hockey. It is an exclusive list of only 10 people, and each month I will re-evaluate it, tweaking it here and there. So here it is. The inaugural version of E's BAWSS list.

1. Sidney Crosby - Youngest Stanley Cup winning captain ever. All the honeys back in Cole Harbor must be ordering alot of "Sid the Kid blowup love dolls".

2. Evgeni Malkin - Player with the most points ever in one playoff who wasn't named Gretzky or Lemieux. Looking good Gino.

3. Max Talbot - Max Poooowwwwwweeeerrrr......

4. Darren Helm - St. Andrews Mantioba's favorite son is speedster with heart who became a fan favorite in Detroit this year in the Playoffs.

5. Dan Cleary - The first Newfie to win a Stanley Cup put up big numbers this year and made a name for himself.

6. Travis Moen - One of the newest Habs is one of the best shut down players in the league and will give the Canadiens some much needed grit.

7. Scott Gomez - Anyone from Anchorage Alaska is cool...no pun intended, and he is taking french lessons so he doesnt put himself in a position to be attacked by the blood thirsty jackals.
Otherwise known as the French Media.

8. Alex Ovechkin - Everyone will be watching to see if Alex the Gr8 can be the first player since Wayne Gretzky to score 55 or more in three straight seasons.

9. Glen Metropolit - The only player I know from the ghetto.

10. Steve Mason - Youngest age I've ever seen a goalie truly kick ass and take names in the NHL.

Friday, August 14, 2009

What happened while you were gone...

In the course of six months, your Montreal Canadiens have undergone a makeover that would make the stars of Nip/Tuck blush. Gone are:
Saku Koivu: Our courageous and diminutive leader since 1999.
Alex Kovalev: Our enigmatic and athletically bi-polar superstar.
Mike Komisarek: Our bruising all star blue liner who was publicly emasculated by Milan Lucic.
Gone as well are Alex Tanguay, Mathieu Schneider, Robert Lang, Steve Begin, Francis Bouillion, Mathieu Dandenault and Head Coach Guy Carbonneau.

In their place are:
Brian Gionta: Diminutive former 48 goal scorer.
Scott Gomez: Two time Stanley Cup champion and Calder Cup Winner.
Mike Cammalleri: Explosive 40 goal scorer and former line mate of Jarome Iginla.
Other additions include top notch grinder Travis Moen, PP specalist Jaroslav Spacek, hulking Defenseman Hal Gill, Puck Mover Paul Mara and Head Coach Jacques Martin.

Many people are torn whether there has been any improvement in this team. The Hockey News recently said that the Canadiens will yet again finish 8th in the Eastern Conference this year. Personally, I personally do see an improvement. As much as I will always admire Koivu and Kovalev, I am pleased that we were able to replace one inconsistent player and another injury prone one with younger guys who have world class talent and have been proven as durable and able to play an entire 82 game schedule. I also see an improvement at Defense, as we only lost one big Defenseman in Mike Komisarek (6'4) and gained two in Hal Gill (6'7) and Paul Mara (6'4). The Canadiens also acquired Jaroslav Spacek, who picked up and impressive 45 points as a blue line last year. Add Travis Moen, whose shutdown line with Rob Niedermayer and Samy Pahlsson in the 2007 Playoff was a major factor in the Anaheim Ducks cup win, and you have a faster, more improved team with a different attitude, without any club house cancers.

It will be a very good year, IF Tomas Plekanec and Andrei Kostitsyn can stop playing like little girls and return to their productive ways. And if Carey Price can raise his Save Percentage and lower his Smirnoff intake.

Preseason is only a month away.
I'm ready. Are you?

Peace,
E