Thursday, April 30, 2009

Playoff First Round Roundup.

Hello my sweet nibletts.
This is what went down.
  • The Bruins humiliate our Canadiens. Boston def. Montreal 4-0
  • The Caps are saved by a dude named Simeon. Washington def. New York 4-3
  • The Devils blow their entire series in the 80 last seconds.  Carolina def. New Jersey 4-3
  • The Penguins break the mold of the Cup losers from last year being completely futile. Pittsburgh def. Philadelphia 4-2
  • CHOKE! CHOKE! CHO-  Anaheim def. San Jose 4-2
  • Red Wings commit Hockey Rape. Detroit def. Columbus 4-0
  • Sedin Squared find their long lost triplet: Alex Burrows.  Vancouver def. St. Louis 4-0
  • The Blackhawks bring some excitment back to Windy City Hockey. Chicago def. Calgary 4-2
The Second Round matchups are set.

Eastern Conference Semi Finals:
#1 Boston vs. #6 Carolina
Should be an easy win for the powerful Bruins, but the Hurricanes have shown spunk and can roll with the best of them.
Prediction: Boston in 6.

#2 Washington vs. #4 Pittsburgh.
Somewhere in New York, Gary Bettman is shpeezing into a tissue and staring at headshots of Malkin, Crosby and Ovechkin.  This is going to be insane.
Prediction: Pittsburgh in 7.

Western Conference Semi Finals:
#2 Detroit vs. #8 Anaheim.
Detroit looks like their on a mission from god to repeat, I do not even think a Knucklepuck could help the Ducks on this one.
Prediction: Detroit in 5.

#3 Vancouver vs. #4 Chicago.
People are hopping on the Blackhawk bandwagon, but before they can get back to the promised land, Kane and co. will have to beat Bobby Lu, one of the best in the 'biz.

Here's my favorite moment from the first round.
(It's not the Ovie goal)
Pay attention at :06

video

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Playoff Roundup Day 13


This is what happened to the San Jose sharks last night.
This was supposed to be the Sharks year.  
They were free from Ron Wilson and his own Playoff futility.
Their team was laced with talent.
Thornton, Marleau, Cheechoo, Setoghuci, Michalek, Boyle, Blake, Vlasic, Ehrhoff and Nabokov.
A lineup that struck fear into the hearts of the Western Conference.
A young coach that was supposed to bring a fresh outlook to the NHL's answer to the Indianapolis Colts and the Spanish National Futbol Team.
The only difference is that Indy got the monkey off their back with a win in Superbowl XLI and Spain got theirs off with a stunning Euro 2008 Championship.
The Sharks? Well it's not a monkey anymore, it's a 500 pound Gorilla named Chauncey.
It's nice to see another team not live up to expectations.
Speaking of a bust, TALK ABOUT THE CALGARY FLAMES.
OH WE'RE GOING TO GET ALL THE GOOD PLAYERS ON THE DEADLINE!!!
OMG NOW THAT JOKINEN IS ON THAT TEAM I AM A FLAMES FAN.
Oh wait, the Hawks beat them...um what?

Haha IN YOUR FACE OTTERMAN!!!



Monday, April 27, 2009

Playoff Roundup Day 12

So I am sitting in History class and we are learning about the Canadian Economy in the early 21st Centruty and rising public debt.
So I'm going to talk about hockey instead.
BULLETS! PYEW! PYEW!
  • We got TWO game sevens!!
  • The Capitals tie up the series and take the Rangers to school 5-3.  It honestly looked like a bunch of Soviet legends versus my Bantam "B" team.  If the Rangers want to come away with this series, they will NEED a perfect game from Hank Lundqvist.
  • The Canes and Devils will go to a seventh and deciding game after Carolina prevailed 4-0 last night.  This is probably the best series of the first round but I have no seen any of the games since BELL FUCKING SATELITE TOOK AWAY MY TSN 2!!!
Just makes me want to punch Jay Onrait in the face...
That's all for now...
Enjoy your hockey-less city Montreal.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

WOW!!!

THIS IS WHY I LOVE PLAYOFF HOCKEY

video

Friday, April 24, 2009

Playoff Roundup Day 9.

Hey boyohs.
I was considering not following the Playoffs after the Canadiens were bounced, but then I realized just how awesome the game of Hockey is.  Even if your team is no longer around, the story lines and intensity of the NHL Playoffs just inspires you to stick on a helmet yourself and go start a fight with someone smaller than you so you feel like the Slovakian Sandman Zdeno Chara, (I hate him so much, but he's a beast, a Norris Candidate Beast).
Bullet points for the rest of the different series'.
  • The Washington Capitals are in a hole against the Rangers, much in part to the absolute brilliance of New York tender King Henrik Lundqvist.  The two teams play tonight in Game 5 in DC.  The Rangers can take the series 4-1, the Capitals will need one hell of a game from their own Red Army of Ovechkin, Semin, Fedorov, Kozlov and Varlamov if they want to  stay alive.
  • The Devils Hurricanes series is turning out to be probably the best series of the entire first round, close games and sharp goal tending have made this one almost too close to call.  The Devils now have the slight edge with a 1-0 win last night, the 23rd post season shutout for Marty.  
  • The Pittsburgh Philadelphia series has been a nasty affair, (watch Dan Carcillo's face off Punch, epic..) the Flyers  were given up for dead when they were down 3-1 but proved people wrong with a 3-0 manhandling of the Pens on their own turf last night.  Look for this series to go the distance.
  • The Stanley Cup favorite San Jose Sharks look to be falling apart at the seams, down 3-1 after a 4-0 drubbing at the hands of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, coached by Gordon Bombay.  Adam Banks and Jesse Hall each scored twice and Julie "the Cat" Gathwright got the shutout.  Kenny Wu tried to do some kind of gay little pirouette but got merked by Dan Boyle.  If you didn't catch the Disney reference yet then you should stop reading.
  • The Detroit Red Wings look like the Defending Champs with a 4-0 traumatic cherry popping of the Playoff Virgin Columbus Blue Jakcets.  The last game was a snipe show 6-5, with the Jackets taking a controversial too-many-men penalty with less than a minute left with the score tied 5-5.  The winner was potted on the Power Play by my favorite player in the entire league, Johan "Da Mule" Franzen. Chris Osgood is my favorite story so far, on an absolute mission from the Hockey Gods after he was told he was not good enough to play in the post-season.
  • The Canucks topped the St. Louis Blues with their own sweep.  The last game going to overtime with Alexandre Burrows scoring the winner.  As I previously stated, I am now pulling for the 'Nucks because they are a Canadian team and they don't have Olli Jokinen who looks like a stupid Otter.

  • The Flames and Blackhawks are deadlocked 2-2 in a tough series, I personally dislike the Calgary Flames, except for Jarome Iginla and Half-Jew Mike Cammalleri.  Hopefully the Hawks can pull it off and we can see Super Sophs Kane and Toews in round two.
The Habs held a sort of eulogizing press conference talking about what went wrong this season.  Bob Gainey blamed Brian Lawton and his sleaze baggery in the entire "Lecavalier Fake Trade Sweepstakes" that pre-occupied slumping Habs like Komisarek, Plekanec and Higgins.  Carey Price admitted he was frustrated with the Habs Un-Faithful when he pulled his ode to St. Patrick move after making an easy save and was given a mock ovation.

This will be a very different team come next season, right now we're just speculating on who will stay and who will go.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A Curtain Call.

Well boys and girls, this is it.
It's been a news-worthy season, and it's safe to say that after all that, the injuries to Robert Lang, Andrei Markov, Alex Tanguay, Mathieu Schneider, Francis Bouillion, Stephane Richer, JJ Daigneault etc... etc... and the enigmatic play of Carey Price, Alex Kovalev, Mike Komisarek, Andrei Kostitsyn and Thomas Plekanec were the two contributing factors to our first round sweep and volatile Century Celebration.
No shit Sherlock...
Keep diggin' Watson!!!
In all seriousness though, it's like Talent WAS invited to the 100th Birthday Party but then had too many Coke and Rums and threw up all over the dance floor.
Don't forget Pasquale Mangio crashing the party and getting the Kostitsyn Brothers snorting coke off a hooker's ass.
And who could forget George Gillet not being able to pay the entrance fee...
But enough with party metaphors....

This blog has come a long way, from a single post in a sarcastic tone about a Canadiens mediocre mid season win to becoming one of the most read online pieces of sports literature in the Montreal Jewish Community..
(I know... top of the world Ma, top of the world Ma)
I want to thank everyone who has supported this so I am going to do a COMPLETE list of thanks to everyone who wished me well over this time.

If you're not in this and think you should be, please be offended.
SOOOOOOO Coach Obrand, Litty the Boy Wonder, The Nu, Tubby Waxman, Smirnoff Ice, Le Petit Tigre, Griz, Reinish, McSayegh the Joneser, Yshemboss, Chitty, The "Edric" Twins, MC Omayzin and DJ Astro, Johnny Levine, J Nads, The St. G's Boys, Lawrence, Shonnie the Chillster, Mikey H, D-Cummz, Dino, Richie K, Rich Obrand, Dukie and Taylor's parents, The Artist known as Zuckerman, Charlie Brown, Riles the Showsterbater AAAAND MY LOVING FAMILY FOR THE MORAL SUPPORT.

I will still be posting hockey articles about the 2009 Darft IN MONTREAL, The 2009 Free Agency Period and of course the rest of the NHL Playoffs. (I'm pulling for the Canadian team with the best shot, the Vancouver Canucks)
Leave a comment, who are you going to watch? Or are you only a Hab man.

Peace.
In my eyes, you are all true believers.




Monday, April 20, 2009

WHO'S REALLY TO BLAME.

The Canadiens put in a valiant effort tonight but were shut down in the third period by the Big Bad Bruins and are down 3-0 in the series.
They say it isn't over until the fat lady sings.
But Susan Boyle surfaced about a week ago, so we never really stood a chance.

So the big question is, WHO DO WE BLAME FOR THIS MESS OF A PLAYOFF.
Let's ask three exceptionally bright Canadiens' fans who all have their different answers.
Canadiens fan #1 is Jean-Guy. Jean-Guy enjoys pepsi and doing it doggystyle with his wife.
Canadiens fan #2 is Sean.  Sean enjoys getting hammered with his buddies and then punching small animals.
Canadiens fan #3 is Raul.  Raul enjoys getting excited for no reason and lighting police cars on fire.

Jean-Guy: My choice is quite easy.  It is Saku Koivu.  He should not be the Captain.  He does not speak french and has never won  Stanley Cup.  He is not right for the job.  He is the reason we do not win.
WRONG!!! Saku Koivu is a courageous player who went through Cancer, an almost career ending eye injury and metaphorical wounds from the Blood Thirsty Jackals. (See "French Media").  Anyone who says this should rethink that statement as the only two french speakers to have won a cup on our team are Patrice Brisebois and Mathieu Dandenault who have combined for a mind boggling 30 points in 103 games combine this year.  And both have drawn the ire of the same men who think a proven warrior like Saku Koivu isn't fit to wear a "C". 

Sean: Dude it's a no-brainer.  Carey Price is the ONLY reason we have not done well, I mean HE LET UP FIVE GOALS IN A GAME? NO GOOD CANADIENS GOALIE HAS GIVEN UP FIVE GOALS INA GAME! I MEAN IF PATRICK ROY GAVE UP MORE THAN FIVE GOALS HE WOULD BE TRADED IN A SE....
Wait...
WRONG!!! Although Carey did struggle in game two, tonight was not his fault at all.  If you were an OBSERVANT fan you could clearly see the first goal was a giveaway by Komisarek, the second a poor effort by the D to cover Shawn Thornton and the third was a rebound that not even Terry Sawchuk on catnip could get to.  Carey Price has made some great saves and will need an offseason to recover and try to figure out what made his season so unpredictable.

Raul: It's so SIMPLE! It's Bob Gainey and the rest of management.  George Gillet and his stupid soccer team doesn't care about this city, we should definitely let Celine Dion buy the team because she would definitely understand a passionate fan like myself breaking into stores on Ste. Catharines in celebration of my love of the Team, I mean her new song IS called "Taking Chances"
Kay um stop right now...just leave.  Like go cheer for the Impact or something, you're making me dumber the more you talk.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO who IS to blame?
I have the answer.
I will tell you.
It's Mikhail fucking Grabovski.
Flashback to three weeks ago, we are bum-rushing the Leafers and it looks like things are actually falling into place for the Habs.
Mathieu Schneider is on fire, Andrei Markov is on pace to become the first Defenseman in like 70 years to lead the Canadiens in scoring and the NHL default line is ripping shit up.
We are competing for 6th, 5th and 4th place in the East, it seems like a possibility.
But then, oh then that little bitch of a Belarussian who likes like a damn developing  11 year old girl decides to lay a hit on Andy Marks.
He leaves the game, and since that game we have gone 0-7-1.
Am I just being ridiculous since i'm in some kind of emotional denial that the Canadiens are done like dinner?  Or am I actually on to something?
Decide for yourself.
Peace (Since there's not that much to believe in anymore)
E



FAIL

Enjoy your day.

Playoff Roundup Day 5

So injury update:  Andrei Markov and Robert Lang skated in full equipment alone today and passed the puck around.  Word is that they will only play once they have skated with the team.  
Big Ups to the Arabian Avenger for the tip.
So roundup.
  • The Flyers bounce back at home with a sound 6-3 wins against Pittsburgh.  Simon Gagne pots the Short Handed Game Winner. Series is now 2-1.
  • The Canucks take a stranglehold on their series with a 3-2 win in St. Lou. Bobby Luongo looks like a demi-god in tacky blue and green uniforms.
  • Jersey takes a 2-1 series lead with 3-2 Overtime win. Travis Zajac with the winna.
  • Jonas Hiller is the suprise star of these young playoffs making 40 saves ina  3-2 win and taking a 2-0 series lead over the President Trphy winner Sharks.
Game 3 tonight.
This could be it, either we win and this really become a series, or we get crushed and call it a year.
Pray.
Pray your little asses off.
Seriouslay...
Peace True Believers,
E

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Change of subject

So since a lot of you don't really want to hear more about what happened tonight, here is a clip form Beavis and Butthead.
My video thingy isn't working, so follow the link above.
Enjoy


Playoff Roundup Day 3



Okay before I start with the round-up just thought you should click this link.
Yes, Mike Komisarek "faced raped" Matt Hunwick so much that his spleen burst.
Way to be Mikey.
Anyway ROUND UP.
  • Hurricanes bounce back after an embarrassing Game One loss and win 2-1 in Overtime in the New Jersey Swamp. TIMMMAAAY Gleason with the winner.
  • The battle of Pennsylvania rages on with a 3-2 instant classic in the Steel City.  Billy Guerin (GOD YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A HAB) scores the overtime winner.
  • Finaaaaalllyyy, Bobby Lu shows why he's one of the best 'tenders in the world with a 3-0 blank out of the St. Louis Blues. Everyone who has him in their playoff pool must be having multiples right now.
Habs game tonight at the classic 8 PM start.
If we want to win this series' we're going to need a lot more of the Bruins to be rushed to the Hospital.
But seriously, get well Matt Hunwick, you may be a Bruin, but you're a solid hockey player and a good ol' Michigan Wolverine.  On a random note, the Wolverines have supposedly recruited Duke Point Guard Greg Paulus to try out for their starting QB job.
Yes you heard me right.
Point Guard, Quarter Back, I am aware they are two different sports.
Check the link: HERE.
Peace True Believers,
E

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Very Good Loss Broons 4 Habs 2 & Playoff Roundup Day #2

First, apologies for not putting anything up yesterday, my Internet was down.  Big ups to Steve, my home technician man for rescuing me from technological darkness about 5 minutes ago.

So let's get moving.
HABS LOSE OMG WERE SO BAD OMG WERE GOING TO GET SWEPT.
Well, this loss actually was sort of comforting to me. You  would have to be two candles short of a menorah if you thought the Canadiens would win every game in this series, but they still played an excellent game.  Going into the third with a 2-2 tie, it seemed that it was our game to steal, until Josh Gorges had a repulsive brain fart.  It wasn't silent either, it was one of those brain farts that you commit in an elevator when you and some other guy are the only two people in there.  It's obvious, and it stinks.
I did not think we could keep Zdeno Chara off the score sheet all day, and he did not disappoint.
I am not going to comment on the hostilities after the empty netter because it's expected with a Bruins Habs series, you watch it, decide for yourself who started it.  I was watching Hockeycentral on Sportsnet (TSN's retarded little brother) and Nick Kypreos was talking about the scrum.  He defended Mikey Komisarek for the little "face wash" and told people to chill out about it and for Bruins GM Pete Chiarelli to stop calling it a "Face Rake", or was it "Face Rape"?  The second one is a lot funnier.
Overall we lost this battle, but it's going to be one hell of a war.
Boston knows we can play with them, and I'm getting a stiffy just thinking about Andrei Markov coming back.

Hab Players of the Game: Georges Laraque and Glen Metropolit.  Definition of Playoff Hockey boys, and Glennie, LOVE the 'Stache!

Habs Goats of the Game: THE ENTIRE SECOND LINE and Josh Gorges.

OTHER PLAYOFF GAMES:
  • Blackhawks top Flames in 3-2 thrilla. Marty Havlat shows why he's an elite player when he's healthy.
  • Defending champ Red Wings sodomize playoff virgin Blue Jackets 4-1. BRING OUT THE GIMP!!!
  • Ducks surprise top team Sharks 2-0.  To quote the great Edgar Allan Poe: They're fucking chokers.
Enjoy the off day.
Peace True Believers,
E


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Playoff Roundup Day 1

The Playoffs have FINALLY started and hockey fans were treated to at least one early great game.
I am referring to the fast paced Game 1 between the New York Rangers and the Washington Capitals. The Rangers won 4-3 and for the Capitals and all their fans, their Goaltending nightmare might have become a reality.  Before the series started, many questions surfaced about whether Jose Theodore would be able to lead the otherwise juggernaut Washington team to the promise land.  There were many who said he was not an elite goaltender and could not outplay the likes of Brodeur, Lundqvist, Luongo and Nabokov.  There were also many who said it would not be a concern, since Theodore had never lost an opening Playoff series (2002 and 2004 with the Canadiens and 2006 and 2008 with the Avalanche)  These people forgot to mention that after the opening series, Jose has gone 2-14....
Early in the game it seemed that Washington would take control, but King Henrik stood on his head and played an admirable game, the same could not be said for Theo who only made 17 saves and looked lost on all 4 goals scored on him, especially the winner after Brandon Dubinsky ABSOLUTELY UNDRESSED JEFF SCHULTZ.
Watch the highlights on Sportscentre.
In other opening games:
  • New Jersey manhandled Carolina 4-1.
  • Pittsburgh dismantled Philly 4-1, in a game that got very chippy by the end.
  • Vancouver hung on to a 2-1 win against the St. Louis Blues
The Habs play tomorrow expect a preview that will be up sometime during the afternoon.
Later.

Monday, April 13, 2009

WE HAVE TO WAIT THREE MORE DAYS?!?!?!?!?

Way to screw with us National Hockey League.
Anyway the predictions have just been coming in lately and most of them are pretty optimistic.
Canadiens in 6, Canadiens in 7, even a Boston in 7 series is an accomplishment from the Canadiens, who were Hockey's Osbourne Family this year, complete with Kovy in the role of Ozzy screaming "SA-A-A-A-AKU!!!!"

video
I know people want to hear predictions for all the other series, but it doesn't really concern me so I'm not going to do it.
For the Canadiens however, I think THREE factors need to be in place for us to pull an upset.

#1:  Goaltending.  Even though Carey Price has lost his last two starts, he has been absolutely brilliant, making huge saves and looking confident.  Tim Thomas has been one of the biggest success stories from this year, look for him to be hungry to prove he can win a Playoff Series and be a legitimate Star goalie, if Carey Price can keep up making the big saves the Canadiens could have an edge.
 
#2: Power Play.  We saw how big of an impact Mathieu Schneider makes on this team, as his bazooka shot has almost single handily brought us out from the cellar in Power Play efficiency, if only he was that good defensively...(Let's never talk about that Power Play against the Penguins ever again)  We need Schneider to keep it up and hopefully QB Andrei Markov can come back for the first game of the Playoffs and who knows? Maybe we can win a game.

#3:  Secondary Scoring.  The NHL Default line has hit a snag lately, mainly because of the lack of Andrei Markov in their Super Line of Tanguay-Koivu-Kovalev-Schneider-Markov, but look for them to put up the numbers once Thursday rolls around, as all three forwards are known to be proven Playoff performers.  Maxim Lapierre and Guillame Latendresse are ripping shit up on the third line and even Big Georgie Boy Laraque looked good on Saturday.  The problem is the second line.  Thomas Plekanec and Andrei Kostitsyn have been cold as nitroglycerin lately and MUST put points up and revert to their 2007-2008 forms.  Without a legitimate threat on the second line, we're screwed brother...

Enjoy the next three days of unbearable anticipation.
Peace True Believers,
E

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Shipping Up To Boston Habs lose finale 3-1





So that was a bad game....
But it's not really any reason for concern.
That one Power Play was a nightmare...
But Carey played one hell of a hockey game.
So it's decided, we're taking on the Boston Bruins ONCE AGAINin the Eastern Confrence Quarter Finals.
You know what, I'm not even remotely pissed.
So I sat down with coach Obrand for an intresting chat.


E: So Coach, what are your thoughts on the Bruins?


Coach: Personally, I think the Bruins have SICK first three lines, so it will be one hell of a series.




E: So coach, you're an observent Jew, did you invite Mathieu Schneider to your Passover seder?



Coach: Of course I did, but he didn't answer me back, I'm a little offended since when I'm named coach of this team in the Off-Season, I'll become the youngest Sport Pro since Henry Rowengartner in Rookie Of The Year





video

E: Okay then, so final question of the regular season. Which player do you see doing the most damage for the Canadiens in the Playoffs.


Coach: Max Pacioretty.


E: I do not think Pacioretty will be called up.


Coach: Oh... I see...well then maybe Alex Tanguay, he scored two goals in the 2001 Stanley Cup Final Game 7 against Marty Friggin Brodeur, I think he's very capable.


Well there you have it, I think this will be one sick series.
Get your car flags ready.
Peace True Believers,
E

The game that nobody cares about... Habs Pens Preview

As Eric Engels of Hockey Buzz so eloquently stated, Thursday's 5-4 Overtime loss was "The most celebrated loss in the history of the Montreal Canadiens".
I know...
Tonight's season finale versus Sid the Kid and the Pittsburgh Penguins seems incredibly anti-climactic.

There's been a lot of debate lately over whether the Habs should go all out tonight for a higher spot at 7th or if we should rest our players and expect to play our rivals the Boston Bruins.
It seems that Bob is leaning twoards the 2nd option, as reportedly Alex Tanguay will sit, Kaptain K will play on the 4th line and Kovy will wing a line with Glen Metropolit and Chris Higgins.

Oh Yeah, they're definitley going all out tonight.....
Duuuuhhhuuuurrrr!!!
So anyway, enjoy this game, I don't think it will be as intense as our last match, and get ready for one hell of a regular season finale interview with Coach Obrand.
Peace True Believers,
E

Friday, April 10, 2009

CLINCH



So.. the Canadiens played a great game, but lost in Overtime on a bad goal
Buuuuuuutt......
And I don't think you do either.... With the point in overtime the Canadiens clinch that annoying little point that sends us into the Post Season.
Astonishingly, I'm excited for it and actually think we can do some damage.
Here's why...
It looked like we were up for dead when it was announced both Mathieu Schneider and Andrei Markov would be out indefinitely.
Our Power Play went 0-6 without them and it seemed like even if we did make the playoffs, we would not win a game against the Bruins or Capitals.
But Matty the Messiah made a triumphant return last night after we were told he was done for the year.
He revamped our PP that scored 3 goals and blasted a seeing eye shot past Timmy Thomas for his 9th of the season.
Most importantly, it looked like we were actually able to compete with the Big Bad Bruins tonight, aside from getting pushed around physically by Milan Lucic the re-incarnation of Cam Neely.
But hey, once Georgie Boy gets in the line-up, we can forget about that nuisance.
Nothing says "Get the Hell out of here and don't screw with my players" like a 6'3 250 pound Haitian.
Personally, I think that it'll be a close series if we play the Bruins.
A lot of you tell me "Well we're going to be 8th, so there's no chance we can win"
So, in 2002 we didn't deserve to beat the #1 Bruins?
"Well um, that was an exception"
And in 2004, we didn't deserve to come back from a 3-1 series deficit and beat the #2 Bruins?
"Well um, you see.."
AAAND to not sound like a complete homer, didn't the #8 Bruins give us all we could handle last year?
"Stop it, let me pretend to know what I'm talking about"
So here's the deal, when the Playoffs start, I want to see every friggin' mini van and SUV in Hampstead and Westmount festooned in Hab Flags, I wanna see banners draped along the apartments in Old Montreal, I want you to chant "OLE OLE" in your god-damned sleep, I want you ALL to piss off your teachers and bring Hab jerseys to school.
I WANT YOU TO BE PASSIONATE
I WANT YOU TO FORGET ABOUT ALL THE BULLSHIT THAT WENT ON THIS YEAR.
FORGET ABOUT CARBO AND HIS CRAZY TIES, FORGET ABOUT PASQUALE MANGIOLA AND HIS BEVY OF HOOKERS, FORGET ABOUT CAREY PRICE'S TUMBLE INTO MEDIOCRITY AND FOR GOD'S SAKE FORGET ABOUT THAT VACATION KOVALEV TOOK.
It's a new day.
A bright new day.
The season will start fresh.
This one is much more important.
Peace True Believers.
E


P.S. I want to thank you all for your ongoing support this year.
I did not think I would have kept writing by now, but I have more than 50 posts!


You guys kept me going with your positive feedback and your love for a pure no nonsense look at the game from a real fan, not the baboons on TV that make a living telling Canada about all their respective team's issues and not like the Blood Thirsty Jackals (Oops, I meant the french media) that constantly tell us we should get rid of any player who isn't born in Joliette or Abitibi-Témiscamingue.


So this will take long.


SHOUTOUTS TO: Coach Obrand, Litty the Boy Wonder, Tubby Waxman, The Nu, Le Petit Tigre, Smirnoff Ice, Griz, MC O-Mayzing, Bong Hit, Nadler, The St. G boys and ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS WISHED ME WELL OVER THE COURSE OF THIS BLOG'S GROWTH.
I raise a glass to you boys.
Happy Pesach,
Hope you drank ALL FOUR cups of wine tonight.
PEACE.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Guess this now well respected journalist!

To keep your spirits up, here's a clip from the Reality TV show The Lofters
Guess who the blonde girl playing tonsil hockey is?

video
Give up?
It's Sportscentre Anchor Jennifer Hedger!!

Enjoy the game.
Peace True Believers.
E

Our Last Supper?

This could be it.
This is the microcosm of our entire season.
Beat the Bruins, our heated rivals, and make the Playoffs.
If we lose and the Panthers and Rangers win, were on the outside looking in.
The last time we played our last game of the season for a chance at the Playoffs, we collapsed and lost to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
AND IT WAS A POINTLESS GAME BECAUSE TORONTO DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT THAT YEAR.
So we all know what we need to do now.
No good word on Matty Schnieds and Andy Marks so the Canadiens called up AHL Power Play QB Yannick Weber from the Hamilton Bulldogs.
 He has 44 points this year for the Pound, and a bazooka of a shot.
WILL HE BE OUR SWISS SAVIOUR?
WILL CAREY PRICE STEAL A GAME?
WILL WE FINALLY MAKE THE PLAYOFFS?
WILL I STOP TYPING IN CAPS LOCK?
Only time will tell...
Btw, huge thanks to Zuck and Coach Obrand for my beautiful new title image.
Great job boys.
In the mean time here's a sick little video from the Boston series last year that Coach picked out of the archives.

video

UPDAAAAATE
ACCORDING TO RDS 
THE SEMITIC SAVIOUR, THE YEOMAN YID, THE MONTREAL MACCABI MATTY SCHNEIDER WILL PLAY SOON!!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

We Need To Pray Rangers 3 Canadiens 1

Take this passionate Nun's example.
Second straight loss, second straight poor showing by our once potent Offence and Power Play.
Carey Price makes 41 saves, but still gives up a couple ridiculous looking goals.
Things seem to be falling apart around us.
Right now I don't even care if Mathieu Schneider's shoulder is falling off, WE NEED HIM TO PLAY.
It's sad that it has come to this.
We have to band together as a group.  Stay positive, you still need that belief that we can make it.
Who knows, if Florida loses one of their games, we don't need the Canadiens to win at all.
We're one point out.
Two games left.
Keep the faith please.
Peace true believers,
E

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Update on our wounded D.

It seems that no one really knows what their talking about.
Yesterday RDS reported that Mathieu Schneider will be out for the remainder of the season and Andrei Markov will be missing the next three weeks.
CKAC Sports reported today that Schneider made the trip to New York with the Canadiens and he COULD be in the lineup against the Rangers tonight and if not today then almost certainly in the line up against Boston.
Also, Marky Mark seems to be in better condition than previously reported, walking around the dressing room without favoring his leg.
So who do we believe?
Personally I would LOVE CKAC to be right and for the Boys to be returning to the lineup soon, but as Canadiens fans have learnt, expect the worst.
More updates to come.
E

Monday, April 6, 2009

What's that famous saying? Habs 2 Sens 3

Usually I wouldn't exaggerate this much about a loss, but why is this night different from all other nights?  Getting ready for my Passover Seder if you haven't noticed. Tonight we learned that the supposed "day-to-day" injuries of our top two Offensive D-Men might be a little more serious than we thought.

Just how bad is it E?
You really don't want to know.
Come on, just give me a hint.
I'm warning you...
It's cool I can take it, after all, I'm a mature Canadiens fan.
Well Markov is out for three weeks..
*Nervous Twitch*...Um well okay...um he is our leading scorer...but um I guess when we make it to second round he'll be back...at least we still have Mathieu Schneider the Yeoman Yid. So how bad is he hurt? A day? Three days?
How 'bout the rest of the season?
............
Hey, you okay?
Yeah sure, sure, um question, do you know where I can get a semi automatic rifle or something like that?


Yep. It's that bad.
This is how insecure we are, we go 5-0-1 and everyone is talking about making a late playoff run, we suffer two bad injuries and lose a close game, we're running for the Zoloft.
Right now I'm too emotionally distraught to say something enlightening.
This could have just been an off game, we could end up beating the Rangers tomorrow and clinch a playoff spot and everything will be okay, or we could lose and have a city wide nervous breakdown.

The key is to stay positive. PLEASE.
Peace True Believers, (Although I'm sure I've lost a few of you tonight)


What a difference a couple weeks make.

This is Rameses.  The mascot of the University of North Carolina Tar Heels.  He will be cheering on his boys tonight at the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship game versus the Spartans of Michigan State University. Only a couple of weeks ago I was convinced that there was no point in watching the Montreal Canadiens, and I should focus all my viewing energy on March Madness.
What a difference a couple weeks make.
Now I have that viewing passion back, and watching the Canadiens play hockey gets me excited again.
I will have to flip to CBS only on commercials, as every minute will be important against the Ottawa Senators tonight, the Habs only being 3 points away from clinching a playoff berth.
A win tonight coupled with a Sabre loss will officially eliminate Buffalo from the playoffs, so thanks guys for the big win against Florida a while back, but it seems that there will be no tender loving in Western New York this spring.
The Semitic Saviour and Marky Markov will be sitting with injuries tonight, and Jaro Halak will start once again before handing over the reins to Carey Price tomorrow in the Big Apple.
Keep it positive.
Peace true believers,
E

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Uber Pwnage. Habs 6 Leafs 2

The Buds got MERKED last night.
Yeah.
We're seeing something special these days.  Something is going on in "la ville des cloches" and the ghosts of the forum are definitely up to something.
When was the last time we've had a legitimate first line, excellent depth, a excellent Power Play, strong defenseman AND solid goaltending?
Was it during the seventies?
Kee-rist!!!
I know, I know, we're kind of jumping to conclusion.  But hey, isn't that what being a Habs fan is all about?
The Canadiens are white hot of late and can actually get home ice advantage.  It seemed like a pipe dream but it's getting more and more possible.  Now I know, the Canes and Pens are absolutely tearing it poop up but it is this pundit's opinion that the Habs are playing too well be in seventh place right now, although I do not think they can pass Carolina and Pittsburgh which means that by logic we'd finish 6th, so we would play the New Jers....

Fuck.


All of a sudden things just got cloudy.


Maybe if we break Marty's ankles....
Fuck.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Classic Matchup: Leafs Habs Preview

Can't talk very long but I have a message form Coach Obrand tonight to get you guys ready.


Tonight will be a classic matchup look for the habs to come out strong wih a real stirde in their step because theres no backing down in this one, it's gunna look like a playoff series out there but wait until we go to New York New York

This is what crunchtime hockey is all about.

Now folks get your hunny bunches of oats in your system ... tie your skates from right to left and get suited up for this heated battle because it's gunna fuck your mind up...


I have my Grandparents 55th anniversary.

Enjoy the game Tattelehs.

E

Thursday, April 2, 2009

DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM? HABS 5 ISLES 1

KOVALEV IS BETTAH! HE MAKES ALL THE NICE MOVES AND HAS NICE HAIR!
NOOOO TANGUAY IS BETTAH! HE IS A PLAYMAKER WITH A ROCKET FOR A SHOT
OH REALLY FOOL!
STOP LOOKING AT ME BRISEBOIS!!!!!

Just thought I would do that. Considering much like William Madison, the Canadiens have gone back to basics and have redeemed themselves and deserve to make the Playoffs instead of Eirc..I mean the Panthers.
Did you see those guys jersey's?
Yeah they were weird lookin'...
Now we're in a great position and gaining on the other teams in the East aaaand the Rangers lost today and we are officially in 7th.
WHO RULES?
O'BYRNE RULES!
O'BYRNE RULES!
O'BYRNE RULES!
Even though he hasn't played in a month...
I truly believe that if we keep this up we can get to 4th place.
Hey Eastern Conference:
NOW YOU'RE ALL IN BIG BIG TROUBLE.
Peace True Believers,
E

A Lesson Learnt. Habs Isles Preview

I hope you good people understand what I'm referring to.
The Canadiens are very much like this unfortunate looking little boy.  Dunce hat and all.  Except instead of writing "I Will be Good" they are writing "I will beat the teams that are lower than me in the standings", "I will beat the teams that are lower that me in the standings".
The Habbies take on the New York Islanders tonight, and for the 13th flippin' time, I will promise you this will be no walk in the Richard Park (Oh it's funny because he plays for the Islanders.... Shuttup it's clever.)
The Canadiens have this awful habit of playing to their Opponents level.
Sure it's great when we beat the Red Wings, Sharks and Blackhawks. But it's unacceptable to lose to the Islanders, Thrashers and Lightning.  Especially when we are in an absolute logjam for the last 5 playoff spots.
I will break it down to you like this.
The Devils still have a six point lead for the Atlantic Divison but have been absolutely dreadful of late.   Something tells me if they can't stop the bleeding before the regular season is over, they might not last long in the Playoffs.  We just have to pray to the almighty god that the Canadiens don't have to play them.  The Flyers are #4 in the standings but have plenty of Goaltending issues as Marty Biron was pulled against the Friggin' Maple Leafs, only a week after John Stevens stated that "Biron would be their starter for the Playoffs".  Might want to rethink that statement Johnny Boy.  The Penguins and Hurricanes are #5 and #6 respectively and have been absolutely red hot.  Look for them to do some damage in the post season.  The Rangers have been decent at #7 and our boys in Red White and Blue have turned it around and at #8.  The Panthers are still hanging around at #9 and the Sabres might be done with a crippling loss to the Thrashers yesterday that put them 5 points out of a playoffs spot with six games left.
There is only a 5 point margin from #4 to #9.  So if the Canadiens keep up their winning ways, they could easily finish with home ice advantage. NOT SAYING IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I am merely stating that it is a possibility.  Frankly, I do not care what place we finish in, as long as it is in a Playoff position and we are not playing the Devils.  If any team could lose to a club that has lost 6 straight, it would definitely be Les Boys.
So there you have it.
There is so much promise in these last six games and if we play well enough, we could finish strong and try to forget about the Bad Acid Trip that was this season.
So in the immortal words of Senile Raiders Owner Al Davis,
Just Win Baby
Peace True Believers,
E

CAREY PRICE WILL NOT PLAY TONIGHT BECAUSE OF THE FLU. LOOK FOR JARO HALAK TO FILL IN.
DURING THE GAME WE WILL ATTEMPT TO HAVE AN OPEN THREAD WHERE EVERYONE LEAVES THEIR THOUGHTS THROUGHOUT THE MATCH IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.  THIS IS A CHANCE TO VOICE YOUR OPINION ON THE CANADIENS. I WILL BE THERE.
YOU CAN BE AS VULGAR AS YOU LIKE. I'M NOT HERE TO CENSOR.