Tuesday, March 31, 2009

VICTORY!!! Habs 4 Hawks 1

That was a triumphant victory.  One for the ages.  From the first flukey goal to the second flukey goal to the goals by D-Men like Andy Markov and the Semetic Saviour.  That was fun to watch.
The team looked good, and Pricey looked even better.  Unfortunately the Panthers also won today.  But on the bright side, the Ottawa Senators who forever have been those annoying little brother of the Habs who always show up to family dinner at spring time and tell mom and dad about their promotion while the Canadiens sit quietly and play with their potatoes will officially not make the playoffs for the first time since 1996.  Also eliminated from contention tonight are the Toronto Maple Leafs, the token heroin addict at the Northeast Division dinner table who recently  with the help of Ron Wilson might actually be in the process of kicking the habit.  But that will take at least another year.
For now, we should be happy to know that were gaining ground on the New York Rangers for 7th place, buuuut if we do pass them we'll play the New Jersey Devils...yeesh.
So where do we go from here?
You tell me.
Peace True Believers.
E

A little class and respect please... Habs Hawks preview.

This girl knows what I'm talking about.
Well tonight the Canadiens entertain their Original Six brethren the Chicago Blackhawks at the Bell Centre, and we all know that is will be a tough match and probably one of the most important games of their volatile season, but I want to bring a another point to light.
On Saturday I was in attendance as former Canadien Craig Rivet was booed mercilessly as a member of the Buffalo Sabres.   This reminded me of all the Neanderthals in this city that do not appreciate or understand why Craig is no longer on our team.  Rivet put almost 15 years of yeoman service to this organization, and was TRADED away.  He did not sign with another team, and did NOT want to play for another team.  He expressed great sadness when he was shipped to San Jose for Josh Georges and a pick that ultimately became Coach Obrand's man crush Max Pacioretty
So you're probably thinking "Why did we boo him? I don't know?"
Because my friends, the majority of Canadiens' fans are what the french call "Les Incompetents" or what Quebecois call "Les Maudits Putins d'Estie Tabarnaque Calisse
I'm sorry if any young French Canadians were offended by that last sentence.
Just telling it like it is.
It saddens me that people don't understand that when a player leaves the Team, he is not flipping us off.  Contrary to what we might all think, Montreal is not the center of the Universe, and it is not the most requested destination for Hockey players, mostly due to High Taxes, Bad Weather, the Ridiculous complications of sending a child to school and the Blood Thirsty Jackals oops I mean the French Media.
Cristobal Huet is behind the pipes tonight for his first game in Montreal since we dealt him at last year's deadline. 
Even though I personally did not like him as a player, I will curb stomp anyone who boos the man who was possibly the most popular individual in the entire province of Quebec for a couple of years.
Please, you don't have to give a standing ovation, but don't act like idiots.
Enjoy the game.
Peace True Believers,
E

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Okay, my bad.

Well yesterday I attended the Canadiens game with a friend of mine.  Feeling hungry we purchased Timbits from the Tim Hortons during the second Intermission.  We sit down in our excellent seats and watch  Clark MacArthur tie the game up 3-3.  It is at that point that the young lady sitting next to us turns to face us and say: "STOP EATING THE TIMBITS. THE MINUTE I SAW YoU WALK IN WITH THOSE, I WAS LIKE OH NOOO THE CANADIENS ARE GOING TO GET SCORED ON"
I laughed full out in this young lady's face when I shoud've realized that this girl was actually some kind of soothsayer or psychic.  Throughout the night, whenever this girl was not looking my friend and I would sneak a chocolate Timbit or two until the box was empty.
I am so sorry Montreal.
We just kept eating those Timbits.
Every time the Canadiens had the opportunity to close it in the shootout, I think they just thought about Timbits and shot wide...
I apologize for my ignorance, we are only one point out of a playoff spot.

Anyway I had a talk with Coach Obrand and I asked him some interesting questions.
E: So Coach what is your pregame meal?  What would you tell players  to eat before a large game.
Coach: Well I know ALL of you say "Oh, Chicken and Pasta, Chicken and Pasta, Chicken and NYEAGH" Well I have something else that has been a key component in my success.
E: And that Is?
Coach: Honey Bunches of Oats Cereal.
E: Um okay, any reason?
Coach: I dunno they're nutritious and delicious.
E: Okay well Coach do you have any comments about Max Pacioretty being sent down?
Coach: Well, EVERYONE is saying that Max was not performing as well as Matt D'Agostini  and blah blah blah but I have a point for YOU.
E: Go ahead.
Obrand: Well Max's +/- is -3.
E: Okay...
Coach: Well D'Agostini is a -15.  So there you have it, proof that Max Pacioretty is 5 times better than Matt D'Agostini.  In the battle of young Italians, I take the the boy form New Canaan Connecticut.
E: Well I don't think it's as black and white as that, but okay...
Coach: MMMAAAAAAX I MISS YOU. I MISS YOUR SMELLL.
E: Well Coach once again this was enlightening and disturbing at the same time.  Thanks for your time Coach.
Coach: We gotta take this one game at a time.  Keep the faith everyone.
I agree with the Coach.
Peace True Believers.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Good Luck?

 Notice Coach Obrand in Gainey's spot. A mere pipe dream? Or INCREDIBLE POSSIBILITY?!?

Well tonight our boys in Bleu-Blanc-Rouge entertain the Sabres at the Bell Centre, and yours truly will be in attendance, RIGHT BEHIND THE PENALTY BOX.
So when you are all watching the game either on RDS or on CBC (I hope they don't make Bob Cole do the play-by-play, I bet he still thinks Oleg Petrov is our first line winger) look out for me behind the Habs sin bin, possibly verbally harassing the players (Only if it's Brisebois).
I've gone 2-0 this year at games (3-2 Shootout Win October 28th against the Hurricanes and a 3-2 Win versus the Predators January 15th) so I plan to keep my spotless record intact.
The Sabres are still clinging to the hope that they can catch the Panthers and the Canadiens for the last spot, so expect them to be playing desperate and intense hockey.  
Carey Price NEEDS to play well, he was good against the Lightning, not great.
The NHL 09 Default Line must keep up playing inspired hockey, and for God's sake, CONVERT ON THE EFFING POWERPLAY.
When I get back from the game, I will post my latest and greatest interview with Coach Obrand.
I promise you, it will be enlightening on so many levels.
Peace

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Peace By Inches: Canadiens 3 Lightning 2 OT


On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing.


This was not a pretty win.  But a win nevertheless.

The Canadiens completely outplayed the Lightning, but were not able to solve Kari Ramo for most of the night, we played with passion but only got limited results...but Captain Saku Koivu defined the term "Clawing for that inch".  Just look up the footage of him getting popped in the face by a Roman Hamrlik shot while trying to screen the Goalie on the Powerplay.  Getting right back up and going at it again. Diving at a rebound in overtime to get the Canadiens a big two points.    In my opinion Saku Koivu optimizes the term "Heart Player", beating Cancer, countless injuries and fanning off the heat of the Montreal Media, which I will always refer to as "absolutely  bloodthirsty jackals".  No one deserves a Cup more than this guy.   The big thing is, we got the two points.  We have found ways to win games.

I leave you with one of my favorite clips of all time.
If this doesn't give you hope that this dysfunctional family of a team might actually make it April, I don't know what will.
Just close your eyes.
I can see something.
Can you?

video
Peace True Believers.

More than Lucky

Yesterday Habbie fans watched in horror as the Florida Panthers led the Buffalo Sabres 3-1 Midway through the third period.
Oh no, this is the end.
They will tie us in the standings, we're going to get merked by the Lightning on Thursday night, the Panthers will win again and we will finally be out of the playoffs.
But what is this, the puck seems to have ended up in the Panthers net.  Oh there it goes again...and um oh my lord.....ARE THE SABRES WINNING???
Yes they were.
5-3 Buffalo win.
To all you Canadiens fans of the female gender, you owe all the burly men in Buffalo some sweet tender lovin' and by the looks of many Bills fans, it will be anything but tender.
Tonight the Canadiens can add a little cushion and capitalize on the Panthers implosion with a win against the Lightning tonight (Game time 7:30 at the Bell Centre)
Keys to the Habs winning: The NHL 09 Default Line (Kovy-Kaptain Saku-Tanger) must be once again firing on ALL cylinders.  Pleks must get the pair of Tits (Andrei and Sergei) to get some shots on net to create some secondary scoring, and the Urban Cowboy himself, Carey Price MUST be on his game.
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. 
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT GAME
Lets get some type of tribal dance going for good luck.
Don't laugh, we need all the help we can get.
Peace
video

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

CHANGED MY MIND LMAO Canadiens 6 Thrashers 3


OMG I CHANGED MY MIND THE HABS ARE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD I LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH KOVALEV IS GOD. HE IS BETTER THAN GOD. KOVALEV IS CHUCK NORRIS.
And we're back to the bandwagon.  Once again I will state that whoever is driving that thing should take a Breathalyzer test. This is getting irritating. But YAY we won so I don't care what you Jackals have to say.  We might have finally found a top line we can rely on, and if we go into the Playoffs hot, this unit might be able to do some damage.
OOOOOON the other hand though, this was against the cellar dwelling Atlanta Thrashers, so we have no idea how we will fare against a team with a winning record. SO WE SHOULD NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSION.
I REPEAT. NO JUMPING!
I love that we're winning, but seriously, BE REALISTIC goddammit!!!

So everyone is allowed to pretend they like the Habs and scream DRIVE FOR 25.  I will sit quietly and smile.  But someone slap me if I start to talk about winning Playoff Series'.

Peace

Absolute Desperate Times...

The panic in Montreal has reached it's boiling point.
Yesterday reports surfaced that Georgie Boy Gillet, who is feeling the financial heat with his English Premier League Team Liverpool, is considering selling the Canadiens...  Some of his contacts have been a couple of deep pocketed Dubai businessmen, imagine that: French Canada's most treasured possession in the hands of a Muslim Tycoon.  Can't wait for those press conferences.
French Canadian Journalist:  So um, what his your response to da people who say dat you should not be de howner of Les Canadiens because you do not speak da francais hand you hare not from l'Amerique?
Owner: SILENCE! I KILL YOU!

In other Canadiens apocalypse news, Max Patches has been sent been sent down to Hamilton and the Club has brought up Belarusian Party Boy Sergei Kostitsyn.
Somewhere in Hampstead, Coach Obrand is crying himself to sleep.

The Canadiens take on the Thrashers tonight, a team they have had trouble with lately, even though their are a bottom five team in the league.

We are still a point ahead of Florida, who have been playing as stanky as we have.
There is still hope for this team, but it must start tonight.
Everyone say the Shema for our boys in Red and Blue.  Lord knows they need it.
Peace.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Man Of My Word

THE CANADIENS WILL NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS
Yep.
So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's surprisingly comfortable.
Knowing that we can't possibly do anything worse..
Knowing that firing Carbo in a panic move WAS the worst thing we could have done...
Knowing that even the great Jaroslav Halak played like dung...
Knowing that now all you fake fans who think we should trade Carey Price have absolutely nothing else to complain about....
I feel safe, relieved almost...

Coach Sam Obrand had some things to say before the game about Patches not playing, even though he ended up in the lineup as did Big Tits and Komi, he also had something that might inspire you.
With the sky falling here in Montreal, talk of Hockey Armageddon and just waiting for Darren Dreger to say with a smirk "The Canadiens need to Rebuild, Gainey needs to go..." I watched this video, highlighting the beautiful part of sport, the sweet taste of pure victory, the agony of defeat, the look in the eyes of a real athlete, not the ones who sit out for a week because they sprained their pinkie toe, the ones like Bobby Baun and Kellen Winslow Sr., who won games for their respective teams with broken legs.  I watch this video and I remember why I got into this blog writing business, not to complain about how bad my team is but to show people what sport is really about: Passion and the Love of The Game
Here is the video below.

video

Friday, March 20, 2009

A Confession

I'm going to be honest with you good people.
I did not watch the Canadiens 5-4 loss in it's entirety, mainly because Duke was playing Binghamton at the same time.
I would rather watch the Blue Devils beat the America East Confrence Champions than watch the Habs get beat by a bunch of players who played their minor hockey in the same town. (Binghamton Senators, for all of you who do not have much knowledge about the wonderful AHL)
The Duke game wasn't even that close, I just would rather watch them than the Habs right now.
Like I hope you get the point.
I'm one bad loss away to announcing in big bold red letters that the Canadiens will not make the playoffs.
Just watch me.
Go Habs Go?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Clusterf*@ck that is the East

                                              Evegeni and the Pens are feeling good.
So with the Canadiens losing in the Shootout we find the Habs in an absolute logjam for the last 4 spots in the Eastern Conference.

#   Team   GP  Points
4    PHI      69    84
5    PIT      72    84
6    NYR    71     82
7    MTL    70    81
8    CAR    71     79
9    FLA    70     78

The Canadiens are in a favourable postion, with two games at hand on the Penguins and only 3 points back.  The Canadiens are conntrolling their own destiny, but they have to control it well, as the Penguins are red hot of late as you can clearly see in this picture in which Gino Malkin is devouring some poor girl's face.
What is important right now?  
Well the Canadiens take on the Senators, Leafs, Lightning and Thrashers; four of the five worst teams in the East.  We need at LEAST six points from this homestand.
If we can't do that then maybe we don't deserve to be in this year's edition of the Playoffs.
Peace

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

THE SHOOTOUT

NOOOOOO
THE EFFFFING SHOOOTOOOUT
How I loathe you.
Of course when we are ALMOST perfect, the Rangers ARE perfect.

Pricey baby, I love you but the you had that third shot.

I actually enjoyed that game, I actually thought we could come out with two points.

Boy is that depressing.

I am sad.

BUUUT, were playing the four worst teams in the East in succession so if anything gets us on the right page, it could be now.

If there is a god, may he please never make the Canadiens do what they just did ever again.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Congratz to Marty...but meh... Canadiens Lose 3-1

Alrighty...then
So with all the hype about Martin Brodeur tying Patrick Roy's record of 551 regular season wins, It was almost a given that they would win last night.  Which makes this loss not bother me as much...but wait
THE PENGUINS ARE TIED WITH US NOW, THE HURRICANES ARE A POINT BACK, AND THE RANGERS ARE TWO POINTS BACK
AND OMG, THE FLYERS AND RANGERS ARE PLAYING EACH OTHER TODAY, AND EVEN THOUGH WE NEED PHILADELPHIA TO WIN, THAT WOULD PUT US SIX POINTS BACK OF THEM FOR 4TH!
Now that I think of it, this loss REALLY pissed me off.
We left "every ones hero" Jaro Halak out to dry, and could not get ANY offense going.
God Damn it Kovy, take a pepto bismol and get back on the Ice!
So come to think of it, this loss is one of the most important of the season, and we had to watch Marty Brodeur, one of the greatest Hab Killers of all time, tie St. Patrick, one of the greatest Canadiens' in history....now that I think about it, this loss makes me wanna punt a dog....
IN HIGH SPEED
video
Meanwhile I had a chat with the Future Coach of the Montreal Canadiens: Sam Obrand

Ethan: So, don't you find it a little ironic that the day after our segment aired on this blog, Carbonneau was fired?
Sam:  Absolutely not, Bob read my ideas, and he realized that I'm all set to take over next October.
Ethan:  So Sam, Martin Brodeur showed us once again why he is possibly the greatest Goalie of all time, how would you stop him?
Sam:  Well Ethan, that's an excellent question.  Knowing that bullets cannot harm him, because of his ability to bend time and stop any projectile coming towards him, much like Hiro Nakamura, in the NBC series Heroes, I would have to cut off his head and burn the base so no others will grow back, much like the way Hercules defeated the Hydra...gee what a great Disney movie.
Ethan:  What do you say to the people that give Marty a hard time because he slept with his Brother in Law's wife?
Sam:  Well Woody Allen is boinking his Step Daughter, and ANTZ is one of favorite movies of all time, so BACK OFF.
Ethan:  Finally, Max Pacioretty got another assist last night, what is your opinion.
Sam:  If I become Coach, I will pressure Bob Gainey to give Max a contract that he will have to sign in his own blood, saying he will play for the Canadiens until the day he dies, and will never be able to waive his NTC.  If he violates this contract he will be sucked into the depths of hell.
Ethan:  So you think he's doing good?
Sam: The thought of him makes my giny tingle....
Ethan: Okay, wow that's enough for today.. thank you Sam, please get some help.
Peace

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The NHL's worst team...

So um, well.... I don't wanna swear and be obnoxious about being right so um..



video
Yeah...  Das Right.
That's what you get when you get 2 shots in the first 16 minutes of the Second Period against the god damn Islanders..
CAREY! YOU WERE PLAYING SOOO WELLL...THAT GOAL WAS THE ANTI PRICE.. MY GOD
Yep...that was a tough pill to swallow, but at least we got a point... and the Penguins, Panthers and Flyers lost and as it stands the Hurricanes are losing going into the third... so it wasn't that bad.
But still, oh my lord..the worst team in the league.
Peacce

Playing the NHL's Worst...But Um...: Islanders at Canadiens Preview

Just ask Rhyno....it's never a sure thing.
The Canadiens, fresh off an emotional win against the Oilers, will face off against the cellar dwelling Islanders and I know what you're thinking: "OMG THIS IS A SURE WIN WE'RE PLAYING THE NEW YORK SUCK-LANDERS, I PREDICT UM...A 11-2 WIN! LIKE OMG WE'VE BEEN PLAYING SOO WELL, LIKE EVEN THOUGH WE HAD 2 SHOTS IN THE SECOND PERIOD LAST GAME..WE'RE INSAAANE..CUP CONTENDERS...WE ARE GUNNA ABSOLUTELY BUM MERK THE ISLES!!!!"
To all of you, please make your mother apologize for smoking meth while pregnant with you.

To the rest of you, yes we should be optimistic that the Islanders are as terrible as they are...but from what we've seen from the incredible inconsistency that the Canadiens exemplify, we never know...

For the Canadiens to win:  More solid goaltending from the resurrected Carey Price, and for Ryan O'Byrne to NEVER BEEN ON THE ICE WHEN THE NET IS EMPTY...but let's cut him some slack he's been a monster of late...
Enjoy Kinderlach,
Peace

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

KAAAAPTAIN K!!!!!! Canadiens 4 Oilers 3 (OT)


What a game lads and lassies!
Boy did Trader Bob spark the guys!
HE IS SOOO GOOD.  I NEVER CRITICIZED HIM FOR ANYTHING! SO WHAT IF THE OILERS GOT KOTALIK AND O'SULLIVAN....THEY SUCK....STEVE TAMBELLINI SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT BOB DID....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...
Glen Metropolit scores a goal and is clutch on the Penalty Kill in the final two minutes...WHAT DID I SAY...THIS GUY IS BAD ASS!
Let's see Begin do that.
OT antics by the Maccabi, gorgeous tip from Koivu.
We're breathing a little easier up in 5th place....
In the immortal words of Colonel Frank Slade : Hoo-Haah!

Turning a New Page: Oilers @ Canadiens preview

So um....this was an interesting start of the week, actually the last four weeks have been pretty damn dramatic.
For the second time, Bob Gainey will take over the reins as coach for the remainder of the season after he gave Guy Carbonneau the pink slip yesterday.  The last time Bob took over in 2006, he led the Canadiens to the playoffs, but were bounced by the Hurricanes after they were unable to solve eventual Conn Smythe Trophy winner Cam Ward. Tonight he will begin his second stint behind the bench against the Edmonton Oilers.  Coincidentally many believe that Carbo should have been fired after out last game against the Oil, a 7-2 domestic abuse of a loss.
Fortunately it is a known fact that many teams start playing better when a new coach is hired either because of a fresh philosophy brought to the table or in the Canadiens' case, a ridiculously large amount of UFAs on this team are playing for a contract under the man who will decide how much the team offers them.
Hopefully the Canadiens can come out of the gate strong today and Carey Price can continue playing like the World Junior Championship aaannd AHL Playoff MVP we used to love.
I'm pretty pumped.
Peace.
Oh and to all friends who are chosen people: Happy Purim, don't have too many hamentashens.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Carbo Canned

When I saw this picture last night, I laughed, knowing it was just a funny world play...now I think the person who made that sign might be some kind of gypsy... 


This caught me by complete suprise....gargantuan ups to Obi and Nadler for breaking this.
My thoughts?
If they were going to fire him, they should have done it after that disastrous road trip....
This seems so hollow after a great win in Dallas yesterday.
At least this means the Habs will play well under Gainey...
This is a large move.
More to come....

My New Favorite Canadien

Yesterday I panicked.  I'm not going to lie, at one point in the game we had dug ourselves something deeper than a Montreal pothole. The Candiens had 9 penalties last night and most of them were because of one man.  Steve Ott, the human definition of "irritation" had just played one of the most impressive shifts I had ever seen.  Hit after clean hit, Ott got under the Habs skin and was cannon balling at any white jersey he saw. He sees Saku Koivu, the Canadiens' fearless Captain, a man who has beat all the odds heading into a corner.  Ott barrels into him, and when Andrei Kostitsyn tries to retaliate it, Ott bounces off him and knocks the big Belarussian flat on his ass.

IS THERE NO ONE WHO CAN STOP THIS DIET VERSION OF SEAN AVERY???
Maybe there is.
Ott skates into the Canadiens zone, at this point he'll start throwing popcorn if it means he will get a reaction.  The puck squirts out into the neutral zone and he rushes out to get the puck.
BOOM.
Ott skates into a red and white shoulder.  He hits the floor and proceeds to get physically abused by an unknown member of La Tricolore. Whoever this is, they believed that taking a shot at Captain K was the final straw.
"LARAQUE"  We all shout, we are sure that Big Georges is behind this act of defiance.
But wait! BGL is yet again on the shelf with a back problem.
"So who can it be?" We all ponder out loud.
Then we see the #70 and out hearts light up.
Gregory Stewart, the 6'2 200 pound Kitchner Ontario native has been known to stand up for his teammates in time of trouble.
Many of us remember him dropping the gloves with Maple Leaf Bryan McCabe in the regular season finale last year and getting a booming ovation from the Habitant faithful in his first game called up.  We all knew he was a tough cookie, we saw him mix it up with the Jew-Frowed Chris Thorburn on Thursday night in Hotlanta, but we never knew how intensely he will stand up for his teammates.
In a era where most athletes play only for themselves and a phat paycheck, it is so refreshing to see an old school warrior like Stewart who will stand up for his teammates, much like a modern day incarnation of the late great John Ferguson...
So keep dropping the gloves Greg, if your chivalrous actions get us more wins, you'll end up being a Provincial Hero.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

THE PRICE IS FINALLY RIGHT Canadiens 3 Stars 1

The look says it all. Bob Barker ain't got poop on him. Much like Austin Powers, Carey Price finally has regained his mojo.  It came in the form of 3-1 win against the Dallas Stars.  Price made 30 saves and looked damn sharp.  The Canadiens finally woke up from their opium induced haze and scored 3 goals on only 18 shots.  Andrei Kostisyn got the puck out of a mad scramble in front of the net and shoveled it past Marty Turco for his 23rd.  Alex Kovalev pulled one hell of a move right after our Power Play expired and blasted a slapper from the circle that I'm pretty sure caught Turco in the helmet, have to look at some replays for confirmation.  The third goal was an embarrassment to the entire State of Texas.  One of those goals that Cristobal Huet used to give up when he was a valued member of the CH. Turco tried to play the puck in the trapezoid of death and the puck bounced around the boards to a waiting Chris Higgins.  It was nice to see Chrissy score a goal after a rough season for the native of Long Island.

Now for my new weekly segment:
An interview with Sam Obrand, the Canadiens' next coach.

E:  So Sam, if you were the new coach, what would be your first plan of action?
Sam:  I would fart on Patrice Brisebois' pillow when he sleeps so he will get pinkeye and never see another minute of ice time.
E: Oh, that's clever, because pink eye affects your eye directly..that's very witty... o.k. next question, will you be intimidated by these local celebrities?
Sam:  Not at all, but I will have one request when I become coach.
E: What's that?
Sam:  Well when the team takes their daily showers I'm going to invite Max Pacioretty to use my um...private shower so I can personally decide whether he is physically healthy enough to stay with the big club....
E: Um, I believe that is illegal becaus...
Sam: I mean have you SEEN Patches calves...my goodness, Lamar Odom has nothing on him...
E: Well this has gotten highly appropriate very quickly.

Peace

P.S. Obese Ups to Oliver Mayers for writing that interesting post on my blog that I quickly deleted, to YShemBoss for being an absolute Bawss at Xbox Live and J.Schneidz for being global, you da best.
O and happy belated to Frai and Romoff, hope you boys had a wicked awesome weekend...
 

Game Preview: Canadiens @ Stars



That was a pain-stakingly long and agonizing defeat to the Thrashers where...dare I say it...Carey Price was our best player..GASP!!!
The Canadiens now face a Dallas Stars team who is stuck in a three way log jam for eighth place in the Western Conference with the Oilers and Predators.  The West has never been tighter, with Dallas just 5 points out of 13th place.  So expect a resilient and hungry team to line up against the Canadiens.
A player that might give the Habs a hard time is "Mr. Heart" himself, Steve Begin. AHHAAHA OMG SORRY I COULDN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE...  There have definitely been some under evolved Montrealers who merit the Habs road problems to Stevie B being traded, but shuttup, he's a 4rd liner for Christ's sake.  An actual issue in the form of an ex-Hab might be Mike Ribeiro who we traded before the 2006-2007 season for the incomparable Janne Niinimaa. (Man I just love that name).  Ribs isn't on pace for the season he had last year, but still is incredibly dangerous
Check this link, he's such a cheeky bastard.

For the Habs to win today: Carey Price must play the way he did in Atlanta, and everyone else should avoid smoking  gratuitous amounts of dope right before the game.

Peace It.
Go Habs Go

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Bad

Didn't catch the game in it's entirety today....but a loss is a loss.
1 Goal allowed isn't really a good thing for Carey Price, but it's sure as hell beats giving up 5....
Don't panic yet...
I don't really have anything witty to add right now..
Check for something of that sort tomorrow afternoon. 
Peace biyoootches.

O and shout out to Lawrie for letting me crash at his pad tonight.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Some Verbal Tylenol for your Hockey Hangover...


So..umm...that was an intresting day huh.....
Okay so I'm going to just adress everything that pissed you guys off yesterday.
 
1) The Canadiens, for the 67th Year in the Row, decided to not make a huge deal to acquire an impact foward like Olli Jokinen.  Bob says that he is happy with his team and isn't going to press the panic button just because some trigger happy Journalists think it would be a good idea.

2) The Canadiens take the team that Bob is happy with, and get bent over and spanked by the Buffalo Sabres, 5-1.  Carey Price gets his shot to redeem himself, gets decked early in the first, is slow to get up and then lets up a Goal on the Power Play after the Canadiens outshout the Sabres 18-10 in the first.  The Canadiens could not beat Patrick Lalime, which is kind of an oxymoron considering the intensity of his mediocrity in the league.  Price admitted after, "I didn't feel that great to be honest.  I felt a little rusty.  I have to play better"
OMG NOW EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.

Listen. I started writing to expose Canadiens fans for the Hypocrites they were, hence my blog name.  My hypothesis has never been stronger.  Look around, at least someone in your office, school or crack house is rambling on and on about how the Canadiens are screwed as a team and that Bob Gainey should be fired and Carey Price should have been traded and Kovalev is bad and Pacioretty is a bust and yadda, yadda, yadda.   But isn't it comical that these same people were singing the praises of the CH after we squeaked out a win against the Sharks... are Candiens fans struck by some Chemical Inbalance??? No, they're just bored and like to be part of a mob mentality.

To anyone who says the Canadiens will not succeed because they did not make the big move, SHEDDUP.  Yes the Penguins made the Stanley Cup Finals with Marian Hossa.  But guess what, two weeks after they lost, Marian ditched the Pens for the team that beat them.  The Penguins are now out of a Playoff spot, Michel Therrien is fired, and the Trade at the Deadline now stands as Angelo Esposito, Colby Armstrong and a 1st Round Pick for Pascal Dupuis (As Hossa is no longer on Pittsburgh, and Erik Chirstensen was traded to the Ducks yesterday) What do the Penguins have to show for this?  Oooo the Clarence Campbell Bowl.  Does not pack the same punch as Lord Stanley's Mug.  The Pens did acquire Bill Guerin for a conditional draft pick, which is a great trade for them, but Billy has been used as  rental player before, and how did that help the Sharks in 2007?  A second round exit to the Red Wings. Last year, Bob not only didn't acquire an impact foward, but he traded away Cristobal Huet.  Once again the MENSA members of Montreal were up in arms "HOW THE EFF COULD YOU TRADE HUET, PRICE IS NOT GOING TO DO POOP!" Fast foward a month, Carey Price goes 12-4, Canadiens finish first in the East, meanwhile Crystal Balls has not yet won a Playoff Series.  Same MENSA member: "OMG PRICE IS SOOOO GOOD I ALWAYS LIKED BOBS CHOICES."  

So to all who are still kvetching, here's an old Yiddish proverb "Gai Kacken Effen Yom"
Look it up.
I expect all of you to pretend to love the Habs again when we beat the Thrashers Friday.
Peace.


 

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

So not chill....

..........
..............
..................
I am not going to even wait for this one to end.
That was a good old fashioned merkshow, with the Canadiens outshooting the Sabres 18-2 at one point.
Of course Price gets rammed into and looks a little hurt.
Of course our PP that has been red hot of late, goes 0-3 in the first period and we get scored on our first time on the Kill.
It was just one of those days.
Yeesh.

Reaction..

Wow.
That might have been the absolute biggest heap of mularkey I have ever seen.
Hey Bob, so I hear Dandy wants to be traded...
Bob: Well yes um, well umm the thing is...
So we didn't trade him?
Bob: Um well I guess not well you see
It's okay that's small potatoes, but your finally going to make that offer to Olli Jokinen that he can't refuse right..
Bob: Well um we did give an offer...
GREAT WHAT A DAY FINALLY A BIG 6'3 CENTER TO JOIN THE TEAM
Bob: Well um we kind of got out bet....
Oh.  I see. Well what about Bill Guerin, didn't everyone assume he was coming to the Habs on Saturday?  We know he's going to be traded, at least he's a sure thing.
Bob: Well um you see the Penguins...
THE PENGUINS OUT BET US AGAIN.
FIRST HOSSA, NOW GUERIN
Listen Bob, you're a smart guy, actually you're one of the best in the business, you're a drafting machine, so why can't entice ONE TRADEABLE PLAYER.
LIKE HOW DID U GET ANY ACTION IN HIGH SCHOOL WITH THAT KIND OF ANTI-PERSUASION
Bob: Well, um you see I did not feel that many of the girls were um...beneficial to my Future...
So lemme guess.  You didn't get any action...
Bob: Leave me alone already....

I will always support Bob Gainey, but this has been ridiculous.
But when you think about it, TSN has turned this event into a three ring circus and it has been proven that making the big deal doesn't automatically give you that edge that will gurantee you a Stanley Cup.  People have blown this waaaay out of proportion, but at the same time, we all have a right to be a little disappointed.
For all of you who have forgotten, the Habs still have a game tonight against the Buffalo Sabres who acquired Dominic Moore and Mikael Tellqvist today.
I have to give the most gargantuan ups to my team of hard working hockey experts who have kicked some killer ass in helping me get this blog out.
SOOOOOO Shout Out to Litty the Boy Wonder, The Texan, Tubby Waxman, L. Franks, Obi and anyone else I've forgotten.
Till' next time kiddies,
E

Peace

Trade Updates

So here are the trades.
Trade 1: Antoine Vermette to CBJ, Pascal Leclaire and 2nd Round Pick to OTT
Trade 2: Jordan Leopold to CGY, Lawrence Nycholat, Ryan Wilson and 2nd Round Pick to COL
Trade 3: Andy Wozniewski to PIT, Danny Richmond to STL
Trade 4: Mikael Tellqvist to BUF, 2010 4th Round Pick to PHO
Trade 5: Petteri Nokelainen to ANA, Steve Montador to BOS
Trade 6: Olli Jokinen and 3rd Round Pick to CGY, Matthew Lombardi, Brandon Prust and 1st Round Pick to PHO
Trade 7: Mark Recchi and 2010 2nd Round Pick to BOS, Matt Lashoff and Martins Karsums to TBL
Trade 8: Bill Guerin to PIT, Conditional Draft Pick to NYI
Trade 9: Daniel Carcillo to PHI, Scottie Upshall and a 2nd Round Pick to PHO
Trade 10: Nik Antropov to NYR, 2nd Round Pick and Conditional Pick to TOR
Trade 11: Derek Morris to NYR, Dimitri Kalinin, Nigel Dawes and Peter Prucha to PHO
Trade 12: Dominic Moore to BUF, 2nd Round Pick to TOE
Trade 13: Erik Christensen to ANA, Eric O'Dell to ATL
Waiver Wires:
Martin Gerber to TOR
Brendan Morrison to DAL
Craig Adams to PIT

Other News:
Tim Connolly signs 2 year $9 Million contract with BUF

TOR Vesa Toskala out for season (groin)

FML

Well a pomise is a promise....
I said if the Habs were able to acquire Bill Guerin I would post a picture oF Bar Refaeli in a swimsuit.... well he has been traded to the Penguins... and here is a picture of Agnes...
She likes Polka Music, Long Rascal drives on the beach and eating entire cows live.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

12:00


LET THE MADNESS BEGINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quick Hits


Some mini headlines on Erev Trade Deadline.


Monday, March 2, 2009

Some Thoughts For The Night.



Well as we all know, today's quest for the holy Bill ended in disappointment as he remains on the Islanders and will probably only be moved on Wednesday.  Since I might actually have to work tomorrow, I am writing this piece tonight, almost a calm before the inevitable storm. By the way, I gotta give mad respect to my new sidekick, Litty the Boy Wonder who has dedciated himself to helping me report the news that matters..and the news that no one gives a rat's ass about to you my faithful readers.

  When 3 P.M. comes around on deadline day, we will probably be looking at a very different NHL, with some familiar faces in new places, and hey, maybe even a few sporting the Tricolore.  
I'm taking the time tonight to say goodbye to some Habitants who might not be with us once that fateful hour arrives.
1) Mathieu Dandenault
Well Dandy, this is the end.
It's been a known fact since this weekend that Dandenault wants to play, and that Bob Gainey is willing to give him that chance.  Although it will be on a different team.  This is a guy who has been on 3 Stanley Cup winning Red Wing teams, and actually chose to sign with the Habs.  We thought we could use him for leadership but much like the infamous acquisition of Sergei Samsonov (OMG was that a brutal experience) it ended up with Dandy feeling unappreciated, much like that chick with the acne who no one will dance with at the party even thought she probably gives it up really easy.  
Probability of Getting Traded: 90%

2) Chris Higgins
So..Much..Promise..
We all loved Chris Higgins, the Ivy League boy who could play both ends of the ice, was a great Penalty Killer and could score 30 goals when healthy.  Only problem is, he's not very good at that last thing...no he's able to score...just staying healthy is the tricky part.  He's gone from hero to permanent trade bait and aside from his flashes of brilliance (his Heisman like stiff arm on Drew Doughty to tie up a game against the Kings) he has looked sore for most of the year... I used to think Chris could be our next captain but from the way this season's played out for Smithtown New York's favorite son, maybe a change of scenery is all he needs to get back into form.
Probability of Getting Traded: 50%

3)Georges Laraque.
There is not one person in this entire city who didn't want to buy a #17 Jersey the minute he signed with the Habs this July, and we still love you BGL, except maybe the feeling isn't so mutual anymore.  Most of us know the story... Laraque says he's unhappy with ice time, says he wants a trade.  Laraque takes it back, says he loves the city. Everyone is confused by this 6'3 250 pound Haitian Dr.Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and his contradictory statements.  Although it is unlikely he will get dealt, don't write it off as impossible.  Bob Gainey is like our lord.  He works in mysterious ways.
Probability of Getting Traded: 38.76%

So for those of you that will not make it to see March 5th 2009 in the city of Montreal:
Au Revoir Les Boys
Wherever you may go, at least you'll have lower taxes.
Peace

DELIVERANCE!!!

THERE HAS BEEN A DEAL IN HABLAND
I CAN FINALLY GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT WITHOUT BEING LULLED BY THE SOUND OF MY OWN SCREAMS.
THE MONTREAL CANADIENS ARE HONORED TO ANNOUNCE THE.....
Singing of ANDREW CONBOY!!!
The Canadiens Fifth Round Pick.....
YAY!.

The sad thing is when I heard the Habs made a transaction I full out shpeezed all over myself in anticipation of seeing B.Guers in a Canadiens Uniform.
My God, Am I becoming one of...one of.............
THEM?!

Anyway I wanna thank some guys who have been making an effort to get this blog out there...
soo shout out to Matt Rapkowski,  Jon Nadler, Taylor Litwin, Josh Romoff and Bryan Kelenson.
I owe all of you a couple of  "danses contactes" at Wandas this weekend.
Peace 

Billy Watch: Hour Whatever...

Meh..
He's taken long enough...

Some juicy news out of the League:
  • Sean Avery is on re-entry waivers.  Will probably be a Ranger by tonight.  Says he has a "new organic behaviour" which leads many to believe that he developed a pot habit while away from the game.  Warning:  He might come to Ranger practice tomorrow with long dreads and then ditch the team to go chill in tents in Australia a la Ricky Williams.
  • Jaro Halak missed practice today with the flu, Chris Higgins showed up late... almost got excited and assumed this meant he was set to be traded. I then realized that traffic was probably just backed up on the Champlain Bridge.
  • Brian Burke has classified the rumored Bruins trade proposal of "Colborne, a 3rd and a 2nd for Kaberle" as absolute poppycock...to put it nicely. Knowing Burke his rant would probably consist of less "Poppy" and more...well you see where I'm going.

Billy Watch: Hour 1.


SO THIS IS IT, CRUNCH TIME.... SCREW SCHOOL AND THIS LARGE MIGRAINE, I AM GOING TO DEDICATE THIS DAY TO WAIT FOR BILL GUERIN.  

Just kidding.
But seriously. Lyle Richardson (aka Spector) reports that the deal that's sending Bill Guerin to what ever team he was supposed to be traded to might have fallen through.
So it looks like Bar Refaeli might have to wait another day.
"Sigh" I'll be in my room with the Vaseline.

Doing What?

What do you think...

Possibly a second Billy Geez In Montreal???


So for all you Montrealers who have been living under a rock, much like the one inhabited by Patrick Star in Spongebob, here's what you need to know.
Mid Sunday afternoon, reports surfaced that Bill Guerin will be traded before the March 3rd deadline.  This made sense after Guerin was plucked off the ice during warm ups on Saturday night versus the Sabres.  The only missing piece is that no one is allowed to announce WHICH team he's being traded to...
Oh hooo.

So Lemme Get This Straight.
You are being traded...
Bill Guerin: Yes
You know which team you are being traded to...
Bill Guerin: That's right.
But, you can't tell us...
Bill Guerin: Sorry Bro...

I think at this time Patrick Star himself would be more co-operative.
Spongebob: Patrick, why are you angry?
Patrick: I can't see my forehead.....

Well originally sources said that Guerin was headed to Philadelphia.
Then Washington.
Then Boston.
Then New Jersey.
Then Back to Washington.
Then Washington and Montr..... OMG HE'S COMING TO MONTREAL I KNEW IT THIS WILL DEFINITELY PUT US OVER THE EDGE INTO A CUP CONTENDER. I AM SO SURE HE'S COMING I'M GOING TO GET HIS HEAD SHOT TATTOOED RIGHT ABOVE MY ASS.
OOOOOO BIIIILLAAY
 
Calm down boys n' girls, a rumor is a rumor
But wouldn't it be nice?
I'll be pursuing this story and the minute this story breaks I will post an update and if he comes to Montreal, I promise you there will be a large picture of Israeli Super Model Bar Refaeli on the front page.
What can I say, I'm dedicated to my job.

Go Habs?






Sunday, March 1, 2009

WHAT JUST HAPPENED: Habs 3 Sharks 2



Well, we just witnessed the impossible. 
A Canadiens team that was all but given up for dead a week ago has won FOUR straight and is challenging Philadelphia for Home Ice Advantage in the Playoffs....  But wait, this wasn't what was supposed to happen!
We were supposed to KEEP LOSING.  And we would blame it ALL on Kovalev.  And the Mathieu Schneider deal was supposed to do NOTHING to help our power play that's has gone from almost dead last to 16th in six games.  Carbo was supposed to get canned because he COULDN'T coach.  And god damn it wasn't Halak supposed to be in that Marian Gaborik deal we've been waiting on since October!
This isn't anything like we planned.
This team actually looks talented and might have a chance against the league's best.
Weren't we not supposed to able to beat the Islanders.
This is scary........
I don't think we're in Montreal anymore Toto.